Social Clusterfnckery…(ies)

29 Jul

So I guess this post has even less potential than my other posts to ever become Freshly Pressed, due to its title.

Imagine this: you have a classmate whom you never really knew them as a person. Then one day, you guys hang out and have a good time. Maybe you become more familiar, occasionally meeting up after school or calling each other. You may or may not stick together during the day.

Then, imagine: that he/she proclaims that you’re one of his/her best friends. You have different friends, hobbies and even values perhaps, but it doesn’t stop them from declaring that you’ll be “BFFs”. You aren’t sure if they’re joking or being serious, and you seriously contemplate your situation before giving your reply. If you acknowledge it, it might come with undesirable side effects. If you outright deny it, you’ll sabotage your relationship with them. In the end, you smile and change the subject.

Yeah, the above situation is pretty much fail, but less than rare. So. Ever tried drawing a Venn Diagram of all the friends and people you encounter on a daily basis? Tried to sort them out by level of friendship? I ended up with such a massive and complicated key that I confused myself in the end, and had to group the people I was dubious about into one big group. Unlike the way most people would, I didn’t call that group “Friends”. I called it “Acquaintances” instead.

I  don’t see the point of calling everyone my “friend”. If I don’t speak to you at least twice a day (where studies or courtesy was not involved; “excuse me” doesn’t count) or make any contact with you online, I group you in default category “strangers”. Facebook doesn’t count, but conversations on Msn Messenger do. I had a lot of trouble explaining to my mom last year when I told her that I “didn’t know” more than half the class. Knowing a person’s name isn’t enough. Being in the same class, grade, or school doesn’t necessarily mean that I know them or even want to be acquainted to them. This doesn’t make me the easiest person to befriend. I’m happy to leave it this way.

Acquaintances to me are people who another might call friends. They could be people you meet randomly at dinner parties. Colleagues. Classmates. Neighbors. Someone you hang out with, eat with, have fun with…whatever. In essence, people who I know too well to be considered strangers are acquaintances, and they stay that way unless they somehow move into the Friend category. Which doesn’t happen at all often.

I can count the people that I consider my friends on one hand. Suffice it to say that I don’t really consider someone a friend unless I’m comfortable in the knowledge that they won’t give my secrets away and maybe even lie to protect them. Uh, and lots of other things, but I don’t really want to elaborate. Maybe it’s all part of my belief that a person can only have so many real, lasting friends, but I’m finding that few people share my views. Most people have a nice conversation with someone and declare themselves friends–something I have qualms doing.

And here I’m going to rant a bit:

1) I do not sympathize with those people who run around screaming betrayal when they’re the ones spreading their secrets all over the place. Maybe it’s a keeps-you-popular thing, but I don’t see why anyone would be stupid to the point of telling multiple people about their deepest, darkest secrets (okay, probably not this dramatic). It’s either that you’re faking the importance of the secret, or that you’re a dimwit. Or maybe both. Always confide your secret to one person and one person only, so that if it leaks, you can trace the culprit. I learned this the hard way.

2) What grates on my nerves too is when people suffer multiple “break-ups” with their many “BFFs”. If you’re Best Friends Forever, you shouldn’t be bitching about/ignoring/trying to strangle each other, unless that’s all part of your friendship (although highly doubtful). And if you religiously stick to fighting each other once every week, it makes others wonder, quite seriously, how much value your “BFF” title holds. And eventually I feel sorry for them, but only a little.

3) And another thing: I don’t understand “temporary secrets”. I’m sick of keeping my mouth shut for people left and right only to discover that they’d spilled the beans a week ago, and that “uh, it doesn’t matter anymore, everyone knows now”. What happened to that “Sh, don’t tell anyone or I’ll kill you”? Shrug.

Yeah, I’m not the most socially-savvy or the most compassionate/friendly/warm person. Maybe I’m trying too hard to sort emotional shit out using logical methods; I don’t know. I normally try not to talk about this because it makes people think I’m cold-blooded. Too late.

I’ve probably offended all my acquaintances friends. Oops.

Then again, I appear to have a habit of disliking people upon meeting them as my first reaction–I’ve disliked/hated/insulted most of the people in the past whom I get along with now.

I genuinely think that writing this incoherent word salad is a mistake. A sugar-and-coffee-fueled one, but a mistake nonetheless.


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