I suck at consoling people.

19 Oct

(Note: This only applies to people who are crying. I play the psychologist pretty well otherwise. Mostly.)

…This is something that has been bothering me for some time. Well, not actively bothering, but it’s just pretty hard to tell a crying person “sorry, I suck at this, please feel free to cry at someone else”. It makes me an asshole, I know, but everyone has some things they just can’t do and I guess this is one of them for me.

Crying isn’t a social thing. Unless people are crying together, it’s usually pretty difficult to properly sympathize with a crying person because you can’t feel what they’re feeling. You can’t feel what they’re feeling and you can’t pretend that you can and you can’t tell them that you understand because that would just make them more upset. Crying reduces people to blubbering messes, well mostly at least, and–to say in the least, it’s rather embarrassing. In short, I think crying should be done alone. I liken it to going to the toilet. It’s not a social activity and it’s rather awkward to talk about and it could potentially lose you a lot of face and–you just don’t, right? 

I simply cannot deal with crying people. 

If you stop crying and talk about what’s wrong, or if you want to share your troubles, or if you want some advice from me, maybe I can help you. If we can discuss the matter, I am happy to help. However, if you are a sobbing, uncontrollable snot bomb, I canNOT. And whenever that is the case I really have to fight the urge to advise them to “cut it out, you goddamn wuss, crying isn’t really helping anyone here and you’re just wasting my time”. I personally think that’s really good advice, really, and if I ever happened to dissolve into such displays of sentimentality I would really appreciate it if someone (or lots of people) came to me and told me to cut it out. (Contrast with: “Oh my god what’s wrong do you want to talk about it why are you so sad oh no you’re–“)

Because you can’t stage a proper, productive conversation with a crying person. I’ve tried it before. I felt awkward at first and then stupid and then exasperated and then angry and then finally like an asshole. 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t cry, though. Everyone needs to cry from time to time. It’s for the sake of our longevity. I’m just saying that you should try and do it alone so that people around you won’t feel pressured to take up the horrible responsibility of consoling you.

Bluh. Maybe this is just me. I’ve learned since elementary school to mentally (and then physically if I needed to) beat the shit out of myself until I stopped crying. And because I hated (still hate) people who cry really loudly, I made myself do it soundlessly. I am serious. You would never tell from just listening. And I would look completely normal, save for the fact that I was, well, yeah. It worked and it’s still working now. I know this has probably got something to do with my pride issues but I really don’t care because it’s saved me a lot of dignity and shit like that. I am the master of face-saving and self-control.

Right, and I think it’s okay to talk about crying after you do. It’s just talking to currently crying people that I so hate. 

So next time if anyone feels like crying in front of me, please just either keep to yourself or brace yourself for insanely brutal pep talks. Because I would totally give them. For free.

Actually, I suppose that if the thing you were crying about was really, well, sad/moving/genuinely distressing, I would save you the pep talk and be compassionate for once. It just depends so much on the situation. So far most of the things (happenings) I’ve seen people cry over (including myself) seem pretty trivial. This does not include times when people cry because the are moved by something that is beautiful/awesome. Not that it seems to happen much though.

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2 Responses to “I suck at consoling people.”

  1. ArtTropes October 20, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    Hahahahaha that’s because when I cry when I am moved I do so in secret 😉

    • AwesomeAim October 20, 2011 at 7:43 pm #

      Yes! That’s the spirit! Me too. In seeeeeeeecret!

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