Geburtstag

27 Mar

I should really go to sleep, but I just remembered that I turned sixteen around five days ago and thought I’d post this here because, well, it’s something of a milestone and besides there are some things that you simply can’t go to sleep without doing first. So. Yeah. Sixteen! Sweet sixteen and all that, y’know?

Except I don’t think it’s going to be all that sweet, so whatever.

I don’t remember much about my birthday, except that for some reason I decided to simply not bring it up and all in some kind of test to see how many people remembered. A small handful, which was fine by me, and I even got a few presents (A.S. thank you), although ironically half of them were from people I didn’t even associate myself with. Maybe this has all got to do with my whole cynicism regarding friendships since I would probably prefer to call most of my ‘friends’ here in my school ‘acquaintances’–really, ‘friend’ is such a broad term nowadays–and maybe I just wanted to find a reason to wallow in self-pity or whatever. No, I don’t think the latter was the case. I genuinely didn’t care myself. I spent my previous birthday in depression and besides, birthdays had never really been my thing.

And I recall stories of extravagant parties and all that when others had their birthdays. It’s always sort of…looked like show to me.  Parties are thrown and gifts are showered–for what? For a chance to meet more people? For others to know of your birthday? For them to give you presents? For the most part, huge parties are simply chances to show off wealth and social status. Just for clarification, I don’t oppose the idea of big parties, and I don’t  I would prefer a small gathering of friends any day, but then again, it’s probably just another of them personality issues. Right?

I went home that day and did whatever I did because I can’t remember much at all now. What I do remember was denying it was my birthday, and then watching as people started to post Happy Birthdays on Facebook and Renren and whatever after school as they started to log on to social websites. Because that’s what social sites do–help people generate empty well-wishes in the pretense of caring. Why am I so cynical anyway? Maybe it’s because I draw a clean line between who are my real friends and who are my acquaintances, and I would basically do anything for said former. I would prefer two genuine well-wishes over two thousand empty ones any day. Perhaps I take birthday wishes too seriously, but did I look at their posts and think to myself: these people don’t and needn’t give two fucks about how I spend my birthday or if I just aged another year; why are they posting this?

Either way, no matter how I care (or don’t) about it, it was just a a date and a change in number to go on my official documents. 

You guys tell me, now: am I the only one who feels this way or am I not alone? :/

(And also, I apologize for any lack of coherence or bad syntax or pompous tone or ill logic or whatever I really can’t be bothered to edit it too sleepy yeah bye)

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2 Responses to “Geburtstag”

  1. rinftw March 29, 2012 at 12:00 am #

    I’m guilty of leaving birthday wishes on people’s Facebook pages. Especially people whom I don’t talk to very often :/ I dunno, I think it’s a nice way of showing someone that you remember them, and that you DO in fact know when their birthdays are. Because birthdays are really the only holiday dedicated to yourself; you could argue it’s just arbitrary numbers, but so are Christmas and Easter and 9/11 and every other date when something significant happened.

    But obviously it’s much more sincere to wish someone face to face, but given today’s day and age of how youths are conjoined to their computers and smart phones, I think the idea of sincerity is shifting :/

    But anyway, happy belated birthday! Hope you had a great one (: (I just realised the irony of this. But meh.)

    • AwesomeAim March 29, 2012 at 6:58 pm #

      Hahaha, thank you! 🙂 It’s maybe to do with the fact that I have real high standards for my best friends, and I expect them to remember it without the help of facebook and everything…and that’s why I sort of think that wishing people (well, good friends around you) happy birthday on facebook is sort of cheating! Sometimes. It depends! Argh I’m just going to dissolve into trying to justify my own comments so I’m just going to stop here. I agree that the idea of sincerity is shifting too–I just can’t put my finger on it though! Oh well 😛

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