Tag Archives: musing

No, I’m not wasting my time blogging.

18 Aug

According to my family, I’m wasting my time on the Internet. I can’t seem to make it clear to them that blogging isn’t really wasting time, or that blogging is much better than ogling people’s statuses on Facebook. To them, there’s no difference. Net is Net is Net is Net. But I digress.

Blogging is healthy and productive. And this is why:

1) You have a sense of achievement. There’s a little corner of the Internet that belongs to you, and you even have the web URL to prove it. It’s as if you have your own website, except that it’s free. When you post stuff on it, people can look at it and know that it’s yours. Years later, you (probably) still can look back upon it.

2) It helps you relieve stress and angst and anger. And a lot of other things too. Blogging is therapeutic, in a way. Why do people go to psychologists when they have problems? Psychologists listen and give support. Posting on a blog is like talking to a person, so it pretty much achieves the same effect as going to a psychologist. Moreover, it’s cost-free. I’ve seen anger blogs before, and I’m sure there are many others of similar nature that I haven’t yet seen. Writing enables people to express their emotions in healthy, non-violent and non-destructive ways.

3) And it’s also pretty much anonymous if you want it to be. Admittedly, that won’t do wonders for the pageviews, but if you’re trying to rant and rage about the people around you in everyday life, anonymity should sound pretty good.

4) You get to meet like-minded people/strangers on the Internet. I personally have a thing for talking to strangers, because it’s a) interesting, and b) it doesn’t matter what you tell them. (Not that I tell lies, though, but Omegle and services like that come in useful when you just want to bitch and don’t care who you’re bitching to). You get to meet bloggers in your niche and hopefully make friends with them. This is great, especially if you’re surrounded by assholes in daily life.

5) Writing practice. Or even typing practice. Writing is an important social tool, and sadly people today are writing less and less. It seems that the ability to write coherently and appropriately (also: without emoticons or “haha”s or “lol”s) is becoming increasingly rare. Posting on your blog does count as writing. I find myself being self-conscious about my own because I hate the idea of having others reading my blog when it’s all incoherent and valueless and whatnot.

6) You think more. Your blog gives you something to brainstorm for–especially if you set yourself a target of writing x posts in n days. It could either be the topic, or the argument…or even the makeup of the post.

7) If you stumble across blogs you like, it also means that you read more. Yes, reading. Another thing I dislike about today’s youth (pfft, as if I’m not part of it…) is that THEY/WE WATCH TOO MUCH TELEVISION. TV, to me, is a terrible thing. Roald Dahl pretty much drives this point home in his book Matilda, which I read a few years ago and rather liked. TV does nothing to encourage thought or imagination and merely acts as a pacifier. Reading, on the other hand, can help you with your command of [English] language.

8) Lastly–blogging takes away time that may otherwise be spent on useless activities, such as computer games. Or, you know, Facebook.

These are the eight points off the top of my head. I’ll probably try and come up with more, but there’s the feeling that the rest will sound forced. So tell me if any of these don’t make sense (or if they do), because they do to me. For the last time, I just want to make it clear that in no way does blogging equal to time-wasting.


Would You Rather…

11 Aug

Um, hi people, I’m trying to consciously stop myself from beginning yet another post starting with the word “so”. SO…I’ve been doing some art-y stuff (yay), but it’s not finished yet and therefore I’ll save the pictures for later. Adele’s album, “21”, is blasting here in the living room and so it shall be the music you will blame when you realize that this post is just as incoherent as all the others.

Meanwhile, I’ll answer a series of “would-you-rather”s that I found here.

1. Would you rather have sex with a beautiful woman who just so happened to have gills (big ones, but where ever you want to put them, I don’t care), or with an equally beautiful woman who is a major creepy? -like worse than that kid in high school that would follow you around and smelled like piss. And ladies, feel free to take the converse of this, unless you’re a lesbian. Then I guess the original works just fine.

Although I’m not planning to do that anywhere in the near future, I’d take the gills. Gills mean that the dude can breathe underwater, which is cool unless he tries to drown me, but creepiness…is no. It’s neither useful nor cool. 

2. Have a child who will invent the cure to cancer but you’ll never be able to meet him/her, or raise a child that won’t do anything special but you’ll know him/her their whole life?

A child that will invent the cure to cancer. Man, that’s doing the world a favor. And it’s also an investment, lest I need it in the future. A normal kid would just, like, watch me die and cry on my blanket and shit like that. 

3. Let’s say you were immortal. Would you rather live to see the world end and end with it, or float alone around the universe for infinity?

Alone? Alone sucks, man. I’d rather end with the world. If I knew the exact date, I even have the perfect death planned out. I’d drink my brains out, party like hell, do all the drugs I can find, then jump out of a really tall building in my intoxicated, drugged state (preferably crash out of a large window superhero-style). And enjoy the flight.

4. If you had to be one of the following animals, would you be a gold-fish or a dragon fly? (Given both have about a two week life span)

Dragonfly. 1) I can fly, 2) I can go anywhere I want–not just some stupid tank where people forget to change the water. No sir, no murky water for me.

5. Someone tries to mug you in a dark alley. Like a boy scout, you’re prepared and stab him. The wound looks pretty serious- would you rather take him to the hospital for medical help or leave him in the alley to receive his just desserts?

Take? Nah, I’d probably call the police and stuff. And then leave.

6. Would you rather learn a new language or pick up a new skill?

Depends on what “skill” means. Superpower, yes. The ability to weave baskets, no.

7. Would you prefer a zombie apocalypse or a natural disaster to create the inevitable future dystopian society?

…Natural disaster. I am ashamed of my wimpiness, but rotting corpses sort of creep me out major.

8. Would you rather get your heart broken by the love of your life or break someone to whom you are the love of their life to spare yourself the pain?

I really don’t know. Haven’t met. 

9. Would you rather be a painter or a writer? (Like really fucking good at the one you pick- maybe the best ever)

Aw fuck, these are both what I want to be. Writer, probably, although…ARGH! This is just the wrong kind of question to ask me! …yeah. 

10. Would you rather show up early to a party or late to an interview (given that either would be equally bad in some way or another)?

Early to a party. I’m so awkward anyway, it probably wouldn’t matter.

11. Would you rather be a successful sell-out or a struggling purist?

Struggling purist. 

12. Would you rather live in a super-hip metropolitan area or in a small, rural village miles away from civilization?

Haha, super-hip metropolitan area, since I’m so reliant on cafes and the Internet. Holidays to rural villages would be awesome, though. 

13. Would you rather know when and where you would die but not how, or how you would die but not where or when?

I’d want to know where and when. Then, I can design my own death. But if this was to do with fate and all that…my designing my own death would be part of the fate, right? And therefore whatever I decide to do would be the “how” part to my death?

14. Would you rather fall down the aisle at a bowling alley or get pegged by a billiard ball in a bar? (They’re both super crowded)

Having been to the bowling alley only once, I have no idea. 

15. Would you rather be a princess trapped in a tower and waiting to be saved or a pirate who will be on the run for his whole life?

I’d choose pirate, because being saved is just so cliche, but knowing me–I’d die 10 times over within a month (sucky, sucky sports skills). So I prefer the tower, as long as I have books, the Internet and generally stuff to do.

16. Would you rather be roomies with (for guys) Enrique Iglesias or Robert Pattinson? (for girls) With Natalie Portman or Kristen Stewart?

Who’s Natalie Portman? …Kristen Stewart, then.

17. Would you rather drink a pint of your own piss or a pint of water from the Jersey Shore hot tub?

Uh…my own piss. Stop looking at me like that–

18. Would you rather be a 50s pin-up girl or an 80s glam rocker?

80s glam rocker, hell yeah. I am so not a pin-up girl. Also: 80s music is awesome! How could I resist?

19. Would you rather wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy or now feel so fly like a G6?

Damn, I neither know who P.Diddy is nor what a G6 is (some kind of airplane?). I have no idea how it feels like to be them. I’ll go with the G6 because I want to know what being an airplane feels like. Yeah.

20. Would you rather be a super awesome Earth Child or a wicked cool cyberpunk?

Seeing as I don’t know what an Earth Child is…cyberpunk sounds good to me.

I don’t know why I felt that this would be necessary for me to post on my blog, but I enjoy doing quizzes like this that make me think about myself. Sometimes even really simple questions can put light to some hidden aspect of your personality that even you yourself hadn’t previously noticed. I just love moments like those.

And if anyone feels like answering these questions too…give a shout! 

Sobered up, and thinking.

7 Aug

It’s at times like these when I’m glad that my family doesn’t know about my blog. Also, if you’re jumping to conclusions already, be assured that I try my damnedest not to blog too much about my personal life lest it bore you to such tiny bits you can’t put yourself together again. So take comfort in the fact that I don’t necessarily seek to bore you any more than you seek to be bored. If you don’t mind reading another incoherent, messy and generally weird blog post that’s been written with half-closed eyes, continue. If you do mind, read some other post.

So here I am, and I’m thinking about what the hell I’m trying to do and how the hell I function the way I do. I’m just an average girl with an extra pinch of aggressiveness, stubbornness and bluntness–not to mention way too much ego. Despite my manliness acts, I’m still a girl, and despite being all-round difficult I guess I still want advice and support. And despite the fact that my hand’s itching to take that previous sentence and press the Backspace button, I’m just going to roll with it, because a girl can lower her defenses and talk some cheesy crap once in a while–honest, cringe-worthy crap that she knows she probably won’t repeat to anyone soon and that she knows she’ll regret ever posting. Being human and having all those un-awesome emotions and thoughts suck. (I should just focus on being awesome instead.)

Easier said than done, I guess. Admittedly, I allow myself the wild flight of fantasy once in a while and imagine that I’m another of those expressive girls who like to put their emotions where other people can see them. The kind of girl who cries when she’s even remotely sad and demands attention when she wants it. The problem with me though is that I never get sad–just different degrees of pissed off–and take pride in being no drama queen. No, it’s not a problem with me. In fact, I’m goddamn proud of it. I have the guts to genuinely mean it when I say that haters can fuck off, and I’m pretty good at controlling the waterworks, i.e. meaning that they seldom come on, if at all.

I’m looking at a girl who punches walls when she gets pissed off but won’t throw a soft toy across the room, and I’m thinking why she does the things that she does and why she acts the way she acts. And I’m wondering if she’s tired, if she will be in the near future, and what she’d do when the inevitable happened. I’m looking at someone who would leave a task to the last minute and then complete it with awesome efficiency, lots of yelling, far too much swearing and barging/knocking things around…just for the adrenaline rush.

All this thinking and wondering is just part of being human, I guess, and I feel like kicking myself when I realize that I have more feelings than I would like to have and when I realize that I’m just pretending not to care when I’m really sorta sensitive. I wish I could use pure logic and coax myself away from this big emotion clusterfuck, but I can’t. Even now, part of me is saying that I’m making too big a deal out of all this and that humans are just naturally goddamn lame and sensitive like that, but I don’t care and this is something I want to write and rant about.

Other things that I wish I could do but know better to genuinely wish that due to logic/common sense: 1) To be able to deal with things as if I had my tear ducts completely removed (as opposed to only partially), 2) To be able to control my emotions completely and not waste time thinking about love interests, and 3) To accept others’ critique of my work without disappointment, especially because of the fact that I asked for it in the first place.

So far, I see a girl who has far less confidence than she’s letting on. Who, despite being negative and pessimistic, still harbors a secret longing for a happy ending. I think I see a girl who’s simply growing up and trying to find answers along the way. …And something about the way she’s traveling that road makes me think that she’s not going to give up searching until she finds them satisfactory.

I haven’t managed to answer all these questions of my own–yet. But the first step is to recognize what I see and the second is to voice my questions, and that’s what I’ve done (I hope).

Bah! So much for the mushy, non-manly shit. Wish me luck, and–well, the future awaits.

I Kinda Wish I Could Dance

5 Aug

The title and topic of this post (Well hello blog, I have abandoned you for some time now, but isn’t it great that it was only temporary?) is partly because Jitterbug, by Wham, is playing in my ears. Oh hell yeah, old-fashioned classic dances.

List of awesome dances that I wish I could dance:

1) Jitterbug: An awesome leg-kicking, foot-tapping mess that I can’t make head nor tails of, but is awesome anyway. It looks all cheery and whatnot, especially those awesome dancers who can dance really fast and do acrobatics to it.

2) Charleston: I failed to find satisfactory videos of it, but I’m convinced that it mustn’t be that bad. Something tells me that it’s going to be pretty similar to the Jitterbug–I don’t know. All these dances influence each other, so I suppose it shouldn’t be too out of sync…

3) Boogie Woogie: It. Is. Awesome. Oddly comical, too. I can’t put my finger on how it differs from the Jitterbug, but there must be a difference somewhere…Okay Wikipedia, here I come. With a name like that, how can this dance not be awesome?

4) Tango: Just…really…fiery. And passionate, in a rawr-you-piss-me-off-let’s-see-who-gets-dizzy-first-and-falls-over way. It’s sort of cute, really.

5) Waltz? My impression was that the waltz is easier than the others. Correct me if I’m wrong, but all it brings to mind is Chopin (dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun, dun dun,…okay how many people actually know what I’m talking about?)and a 1-2-3-1-2-3 count. And twirling, and poofy dresses. Probably toe-stepping, too. Oh, and Cinderella (wtf?).


It’s probably the piano-playing, classic music-enjoying part of me that’s screaming that these old-fashioned, classic dances are way beyond the modern pop dances that are leading the trend right now. How could you not smile while watching the Boogie Woogie? And while these are artful blends of style and movement, what we’re seeing in music videos and live performances nowadays are vulgar, overly sexual displays that would probably be better-suited to the bedroom. Rihanna, Shakira, Lady Gaga…you get the gist. What happened to dancing as an art? It isn’t supposed to simply be an excuse to perform erotic movements or anything creepy like that. Dances have their own historic and cultural background too, just like music.

Then again, looking at how today’s music is–actually, I’d rather not. That rant will have to wait.

Part of me really wishes that schools still taught these dances, and that there would be balls held from time to time (mind.out.of.the.gutter.NOW). But I guess that’s just how society progresses. We live in a world where the pace is getting faster, and the skirts shorter. Morals looser.

If only I had the willpower to find a dance school and actually learn to dance, instead of blogging about it.

(I haven’t had any coffee yet. Forgive me for any incoherence and whatnot in this post; I’m too lazy to proof-read it myself. :D)

I don’t know.

22 Jul

Here I am, sitting in the office for the last day and eating a McDonald’s burger. For some reason, the song I’m listening to reminds me of…some people, I guess. Maybe I do give a shit, after all. Less than I used to, but more than I should.

I’m thinking about last year. Maybe my middle school years will forever be categorized as “Grade 9 and before” and “After Grade 9”. Things have changed over the past year. I’ve changed. So have other people. And I’m not sure if I really wanted to, but that’s life, I guess, and the people around you inevitably shape the bits of you that you don’t control if you’re not careful.

…This is another short, strange and completely nonsensical blog post made in a state of dazedness.

Sorry people, this is one of those bad days.

Instead, let me give you a lil’ playlist:

  • Just My Imagination – The Cranberries
  • Wish You Were Here – Avril Lavigne
  • Nothing Left To Lose – The Pretty Reckless
  • Semi-Charmed Life – Third Eye Blind

There you go.

Sixteen, I mean, fourteen. Oh, fifteen

15 Jul

As of recently, there’s been a lot of confusion on my part about my own age. I would’ve thought that I was above this by now, seeing as it’s something that I haven’t been feeling for years, but apparently–not. Being fifteen feels like I’m in a limbo between semi-adulthood and adolescence, and it is. Sixteen is the wondrous age where you can learn to drive, get a license, get a job, and–in some countries, drink. At sixteen, opportunities that have remained closed for you at the age of fifteen finally open up. As overrated and exaggerated by the media as “Sweet Sixteen” may be, it’s the first ‘coming of age’ that teenagers go through and the only one that will come without the full burden of responsibility. Sixteen is the age where you can argue that you’re an adult and yet still deny responsibility by saying that you’re just a teenager. Perhaps it is the only age where you can enjoy the benefits of both adulthood and adolescence at once.

Being fifteen is excruciating. For someone who’s surrounded by sixteen, seventeen-year-olds–and many who are older still–and can’t really feel the difference, it’s a blow when you realize that you’re the only one in the team who can’t get a job at that local fast food chain. It doesn’t matter if you could do better than half of the people who apply for the post, or that you can serve customers in five different languages. Nobody would care if you had a goddamn customer-attracting superpower. (I give this example regardless of the fact that I doubt that I would be any good in the service industry). Fifteen is the awkward age of “almost sixteen”. And to most people–and this impression is reinforced by the law–there is a tangible difference. Fifteen, apparently, is somehow “too young”, “too immature” and “too irresponsible”.

It seems to me as if people (especially here in China, where those under 16 in most cases cannot work legally) are placing emphasis on age rather than the level of maturity and competence. While children and teenagers (high-schoolers in particular) have the opportunity to work part-time doing odd jobs or delivering papers in the Western world, they are made to study day and night here in China. It’s hardly a wonder that the teenagers shaped by Chinese education are less competent in jobs and practical, real-life situations, and that therefore fewer companies accept them. Dis-similarly, once they are in college, students are considered much more competent, and doors open left and right to welcome them. Again, I might add, with no regard for their actual abilities. The “college” situation is not unlike the one with age, where young people are judged by factors outside of their capability and aptitude rather than the other way around. To me, this all looks twisted and wrong.

If the previous paragraph made as little sense to you as it did to me, let me put it this way: Societies, especially in the Eastern world, should stop looking at people for where they study or how old they are instead of what abilities they possess. Work experience is almost unheard of among local Chinese high school students, and threads regarding this topic on the Internet started by youths are often dismissed with a “go study hard” (“好好学习,天天向上”). Even though age can sometimes be an indicator or proof of education and knowledge, it isn’t everything.

For me, I no longer feel the old thrill of having birthdays. That ended a long time ago. Gone is the “I’m 10! Not 9, but 10!” excitement, and in its place is something that would probably be best described as jaded apathy. Age is a burden in one’s life; a mere cause and target for society’s ageism. Perhaps the very concept for age was invented for this purpose of (no matter how implicit) discrimination, or maybe it’s just a D-Day tool for us to count down our years.

I’m sorry for all this ranting you have had the misfortune to come upon. These ageist laws are just pissing me off to no end. In the meantime, though, I’ll simply continue to correct myself every time I assume that I’m sixteen. Or fourteen, for that matter. Fifteen just doesn’t suit me.

China’s Got Talent…?

10 Jul

Last night welcomed one of the final rounds of the China’s Got Talent competition. I’m not sure if I should call it a competition, because it’s more of a show…whatever. Despite the voices of the thousands–millions–of people who love the it, I honestly can’t say that I always enjoy what I see. Perhaps I’m going to be hypercritical in this post; bear with me please and point it out as you see fit.

As Wikipedia puts it:

Talent Show:  is an event where participants perform their talent or talents of actingsingingdancingacrobaticsdrummingmartial arts, playing an instrument, and other activities to showcase a unique form of talent

Well, first of all, a talent show should have talent more than anything else. Ever since the success of Liu Wei in the show (yes he’s good, I grant him that, and I don’t think he’s using his handicap as a pity-gaining tool), more and more people have come onto this show with more story than talent. I’ve seen about more than five people who have come to the stage, failed in their performance, then blurted their sad story in hope of salvaging it. “China’s Got Talent” isn’t–and shouldn’t be–somewhere people advertise their hardships. While this can be done in moderation, it’s unhealthy for anyone to think that it is where they should place their emphasis. The contestants’ backgrounds are important, but the performance should be judged fairly according to–you guessed it–talent. Thankfully, this happens less and less as the show progresses, and the judges take less mercy.

If only the judges were more professional in their comments and focused less on “with your background–” stuff. I’m tired of them letting a contestant go onto the next round simply because “you remind me of…”, “with your background…”, or “because you put so much effort…”. What I want to hear is their stand on their performance. Their talent. Their skill. Is “you remind me of my father” such a good reason for letting them pass? It doesn’t do the performer justice and hardly shows the credibility of the judge.

With the gargantuan number of people in China (which is still growing, too), I wouldn’t be surprised if people appeared with talents like “falling from high places without breaking bones”. I sound like a hypocritical bitch, but I’d really like it if the show could re-organize and rethink the criteria so that the contestants could have some sort of category they could fit into. Currently I feel that we’re not only trying to compare apples and oranges, but a whole variety of fruits, vegetables–and hell, cheeses. I don’t mean that they should take away the misfitting talents (no offense of course)–I’m all for having variety–but if they’re not going to judge by talent and talent alone, it’s going to make it difficult for everyone to find a fair response to the performances.

I know there are flaws in my argument. I admit that I’ve not watched many episodes of other “XXX’s Got Talent” shows before, and I’m not pretending otherwise. But what I’ve seen here on my TV screen lately hasn’t done a great job in impressing me, so I’m going to just stick with looking forward to further developments and improvements on “China’s Got Talent”.

But hey, a girl can at least try to put her (if only semi-formed) thoughts into words, so yeah.

Tell me what you think! Arguments against me are, too, welcome.