Friends. ..?

I think I’ve said this before, much earlier on. But I’ll say this again, and hope that I’m more coherent this time. 

I think a person can’t have much more than five friends. Five real friends, that is, the kind that you can share almost anything with and not worry about them broadcasting it out to the rest of the world (that is, unless you want them to). The kind that would lie to others for you. The kind that you could sit outside in total silence and still feel comfortable with. With these people, you just know that they belong in a special subset within the general ‘friends’. Can you really find more than five people to put in that subset? I don’t think I can.

I know it depends on the type of person you are, and other things like that–not everyone has the same criteria for ‘friend’ after all. But I’m going to hold on to my belief that no matter who you are or what you do, there are always those few people you know you are true friends with.

Then again, maybe you don’t know. Maybe you just haven’t found them yet.

I’m still struggling with my own definitions. Do I count people that used to be one of them but are now fading out? Do I count people that I’m still not completely sure with? Does this have to be a mutual thing? Do ‘wrong’ people accidentally make it onto the list?

Guess not–about the whole mutual thing, at least. This is why I’m going to bust out that phrase and say that “it’s a feeling”, because it really is. Every person’s different. Interactions and friendships differ too, as a result. If I really wanted to define this properly, I would still be writing next year. 

And I guess I just have to accept that people have ups and downs and have a tendency to piss each other off from time to time. But really, I just wish/hope that people would actually realize when they’re in the subset. Because no matter what, even if it’s just thoughts and whatever intangible emotional shit–‘payout>payback’ ALWAYS SUCKS.

In unrelated news:

1. Probably going to pierce my ears this weekend, yay
2. Recently infected by depression. Why is depression catching? I guess it depends on the person
3. I want a red jacket. Am going to buy one tomorrow (hopefully)
4. I’m so happy that I finally posted something again. Lots of stuff has been happening (and lots of shit too) and I often can’t find what I want to say even though there’s actually a lot. Schoolwork is sapping all my energy. And all my motivation. 
5.  . — — – .— — -. …    … ..- -.-. -.- ! (Right that was pointless and random. Sorry)

The simplest things.

Sometimes the simplest things can bring you up or get you down. 

I just went out around 10:30 p.m. to sit on the kiddy-slide that is right across my block. It’s part of this tiny toddlers’ playground; the plastic kind that’s just about as tall as an average person. It has a relatively long slide, wide enough for a person to lie in it. That’s what I did. Just sat at the bottom and lay back into it, getting a nice view of the floating clouds and an airplane that got me thinking it was a particularly bright star (the actual stars don’t appear here. It’s too polluted). The slide is too narrow for arms to fit in, so I just put my hood up and rested my arms on my face. And took a nap. I swear, that slide could beat my bed in a comfy-off if I turn to the side and shield my exposed face with my arm. Snugness FTW. The only bad thing I guess is that it’s right beside a oft-visited gate.

What I love about it the most is the fresh air, though. Being outside feels more natural (if slightly chilly). I would attract odd looks if I lay outside during the day, but seeing as it’s night-time and everyone’s pretty much leaving this place alone anyway…yeah. This is my second night in a row coming here to lie down for no good reason. I think it’s becoming my favorite spot in my compound (which is tiny). One day, if I ever have the guts to, I will stay outside all night with a warm jacket. 

Thanks owed to a friend who discovered this particular use of this slide one day when they were waiting for me to come outside, I guess. I hate to admit it like this (bluh huge ego), but this is just awesome. ❤