The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 2,600 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 4 years to get that many views.
Hello dear readership!
I have been absent / MIA for quite a while now and I am officially ashamed. My excuse is my IB workload…? Heh heh.
But here’s a little something: I created a new deviantArt account and…here you go! http://awesomeaim.deviantart.com/ Do check it out and deviantWatch/fave stuff if you have an account too : ) (Also, if you’re into visual arts and you don’t, I recommend you join.) I’m going to upload artworks / drawings primarily there. I’m going to submit my college applications soon too…so I’ll post the Arts Supplement link here soon ; ) (It’s on WordPress too!)
Cheers!
I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out the proxy settings on the Macbook. Instead of a LAN setting (as I previously had on Windows), it had a whole bunch of proxies on the list: Auto Proxy, Automatic Proxy, Web Proxy (HTTP), Secure Web Proxy (HTTPS), FTP Proxy, SOCKS Proxy, Streaming Proxy (RTSP), and finally Gopher Proxy. (You can find this list on Safari by clicking Preferences -> Advanced tab -> Change Settings button -> Proxies.)
So if you were like me, you would go WTF.
I typed in my proxy server to most of them. But when I selected one, it didn’t work. I could get onto Facebook’s welcome page, but not log in. This was for a number of similar sites. And it was getting ridiculous! I did the sensible thing and
Googled it.
Turns out that THREE PROXIES (HTTP, HTTPS and FTP) have to be checked in order for it to work as it does for LAN on Windows! The proof is in that I am actually typing this, since China blocks WordPress too. 
So well yes here is my tecchy tip for today. It took me ages to figure this out so if you’re Googling it / following me / whatever else, yay for you! You will have this piece of valuable information with you for the rest of your life, whether you need it or not.
And now I’m off to sleep; it’s Three In The Morning. Seriously, Three In The Morning!
;]
I have a feeling that this is going to be a post that I have already written before.
What is becoming increasingly obvious to me is the fact that I no longer feel comfortable about my abilities (or rather, self-perceived abilities). Before grades were all that important, I got above-average results and got along with most of the people I had to get along with. When grades became important, I aced everything and skipped a grade. And all this time I had my best buddy with me, so social life was not of any concern. When she left, I still got more-than-decent grades in my IGCSEs, but needed friends I could really ‘click’ with. In some ways this is still an issue.
Anyway. I hate writing really personal stuff because it makes me feel all insecure and vulnerable and shit, so yeah. I went into bouts of depression and started thinking a lot about lots of things. I couldn’t really find someone to debate with me, so I started to debate with myself. This is healthy (well the debating and introspection at least), but only to a certain extent. Together with the depression and whatnot I created some sort of cynical, disembodied voice in my head that would offer me a “third person perspective” and lots of discouragement.
Yes I failed to cut the crap, I just write a lot mmkay just deal with it!
So. Remember when I said that I feel like I’m failing at everything? Everything being 1) academics, 2) social comfort.
1. I have the reputation of “best student”, or some shit like that because of my IGCSE grades, and one thing I have to say about the IB is that IT IS ON A WHOLE ‘NOTHER LEVEL. My grades are shitty and average. In comparison to my past achievements, they are a failure. I can just sense the disappointment from my teachers (and it is there, also, from myself). I no longer think that I can write well (why did I ever think that anyway) and for the first time, I’m beginning to wonder if even my best efforts wouldn’t be sufficient (yes weird sentence I know, shush). And that is scary as hell, because the only confidence in myself that I used to have was that if I really, really wanted to do something and managed to put TRUE EFFORT into it, I would succeed no problem. Am rethinking that.
2. The voice in my head is interfering with my relationships. With anyone, really. Because I unconsciously try to think about all the different ‘sides’ to situations, I also identify how I could appear really out of place or interruptive…which does no good at all to my ego and makes me want to just leave and stay in my room. In some conversations I would just notice that the group of people seemed pretty happy without my input, so why should I stay and possibly intrude? As a result of that I come off as sort of passive-aggressive to friends and family At the same time I am painfully self-conscious of what I do and say. Anything I say that could be / is stupid or incorrect in any way? I jump to point it out and to correct it. The correction isn’t usually much better and usually I just end up in a cringe-worthy cycle.
…Also that may be why I try to explain my thoughts and downplay them and insult my own ideas and all that shit. Just in case I say anything wrong or stupid or biased or ignorant or anything like that. Even on this blog, I do this.
Yeah and now to prove the point, why the hell did I name this Limbo anyway? Is this any kind of limbo? Between two failures, maybe.
All I can really say for now is that this definitely isn’t one of them good phases of life. I think I made many wrong choices along the way and I’m in a really bad place (mentally too). I see the same problems coming up in different situations and places and it only means that the problem is within me and not a product of the environment! Now all I have to do is change it.
Easier said than done.
Called friend in Shanghai today and the subject of homework was inevitable. Am thinking about all the things I should have done and should be doing right now and I am sort of panicking. As a matter of fact I failed to sleep on the bus because I was thinking about my essays that are due by September and that I have not yet even started. This is bad.
Frankly I am very tempted to continue ignoring their existence for the rest of my stay in America. This however is obviously one of the worst solutions I could ever decide to implement.
I am going to make my third redraft of my Personal Statement now and hopefully think up one or two topics to use for my World Literature essays (2x), and maybe even write the structure.
Bleak. Bleak. I have still a 4000 word draft of a research essay on top of that.
I should not have ignored it so far. I have been enjoying myself too much these weeks. America is everything and more than I had ever thought it would be. I am having one of my best holidays in my life.
Good things don’t last forever. Bit by bit, I shall have to make my way back into the world of reality, competition, college applications and IB.
As none of you know, I am currently in Boston, MA! For now I’m with a summer program so I’m living at a nearby university, but later I’ll get some free time and then fly across the country to California, hell yes.
Anyway. Productive afternoon (I guess). I had a few hours free, so I decided to hang in the Campus Center! Found my way there after a lot of map-consulting, getting lost and finally asking this cute dude for directions. Got Starbucks. Sat and wasted time on the Internet. And then I played pool for an hour, on my own. I only just learned, so it’s good practice (????) . An hour away from class-time, I left for the campus store. Browsed through everything and bought hair ties + 2 books. A flash storm took place while I was there but fortunately it soon ended, leaving me less than half an hour to walk to class. Which I did, successfully. Got there 15 minutes earlier and wrote the essay that was due in class, successfully.
And then there was class, and it was interesting because half of it consisted of my having a conversation with the teacher / friend. This summer program is filled with local Chinese people and has only 3 first-language English students, and Chinese students are incredibly laid back (or at least these are). Nobody had any questions or even constructive comments.
I hate to sound racist, but being around these kids can sometimes be REALLY embarrassing. Once when we were touring another university campus, this painfully Chinese-looking boy pressed the Emergency button making the police come.
I sound awfully biased, but I have never before been so ashamed to be Asian.
These small things remind me why I hated China so much when I first went there. There is pretty much no sense of social responsibility and almost everyone just does whatever annoys other people the most.
Yeah, this is like, a pet peeve or something except it probably isn’t what you would typically call a pet peeve.
Yeah whatever I’ll shut up now
The title totally reminds myself of the song “In the Summertime”, of which artist’s name I forgot.
What can I say? This is the summer between two years of IB and seriously, there’s not much in terms of major rest and relaxation. Lots of essays, preparation for college–that sounds more like it! Which is sort of a shame, because I’ve only grown fond of holidays during recent years. The exciting thing about this summer, though, is the fact that I’ll be going to America for the first time in many years!
Nevermind the fact that it’s partially for touring colleges and attending classes. It’s going to be fun anyway. Or at least I hope! Because I’m going to be with a group, like as in a summer program, it would totally suck if I couldn’t get along with the people there. Which I hope won’t happen. If it does, I guess I’ll just call people all the time and write/blog a lot.
(That sounds inviting.) But you get my gist!
So I guess this is turning into a “My Summer Plans” type of post. Oh well, I never seem to know what I want to write beforehand anyway.
Summer program and touring aside, hopefully I’ll also get to meet an old friend! Who is sort of a sister-from-another-mother. So that should be a major highlight.
( And all that aside I have a 4000 word draft, two English essays, an Art project and lots of late Bus.Man assignments that I have to hand in by the end of August. Am not happy about this: I leave in less than 10 days and have another 10 days after I get back from America to do this. More or less! )
IB aside, I really need to get my plans straight. I don’t really know which colleges I want to go to or what I want to study, and this is among the many things that I would like to find out this summer. I can’t prepare myself for what I don’t know will happen, so here’s hoping to getting that sorted out. Oh, and my personal statement. I need to get over my aversion to writing personal, emotional things in order to get that done. I find myself trying to hold back as much information as possible and seriously, I think I would feel a lot more comfortable writing someone else’s personal statement. I don’t like the feeling of having my thoughts and emotions on paper for anyone to see and laugh at.
Or having my emotions anywhere, really.
But that’s growing up for you? Suck it up, that’s what I’ll have to do, just like all the people before me did and like all the people after me will have to do.
Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Hope y’all have a great summer too.
Nominated by Kendel, from Just Another Teen Blogger.
Just in case you’re reading this, I love your name. Does this sound creepy? I hope it doesn’t.
So here I go, answering seven questions in order to be an official holder of this award.
Describe yourself in seven words: Doubtful. Loyal. Restrained. Humorous. Curious. Determined. Cynical.
What keeps you up at night? Homework. The Internet. Chatting to people. Reading a book. Being out with friends.
Whom would you like to be? Me. Sort of. With modifications. Oh scrap that, I wouldn’t be me then. Or would I?
What am I wearing right now? Pajamas. Which is a cotton dress.
What scares you? Uncertainties, unfortunate incidents, some insects, the future. Horror movies too. What else? I don’t like listing out my weaknesses so I’m stopping here. I’ve listed enough already as it is.
What’s the best and worst thing about blogging? The best thing? Being able to express myself and finding like-minded people out there. Broadcasting my thoughts and knowing that the people that I know in real life probably won’t read it. Feeling safe (perhaps stupidly) in that assumption. Maybe even practicing writing, to some extent. Uh, and the worst thing…the possibility that people in my life will read this and use it against me. Or finding out that I’m boring and useless even in blogging? BUT all these points have huge flaws and whatever and I’m not going to do a self-psychoanalysis here.
If I could change something about myself, what would it be? Being able to let go of things. Not taking everything so seriously. Not thinking so much. Having more self-control. Whatever, whatever. Lots and lots. Being able to draw better, write better, do everything better. See? Everything. There is no end to self-improvement.
Slankets, yes or no? What? I’ve never run into any. But they look nice and comfy and if I could, I would totes get one.
Tell us something about the person that nominated you: Kendel is a teenager living in New Zealand, and she blogs about her personal/daily life amongst other things. She’s always bright, lively and positive in her writing style…which makes her blog a really sunny place (like New Zealand, probably)! From what I’ve read, she’s a social and active person and not afraid to voice her thoughts. I don’t know what else to say! I feel like a teacher writing a student’s end-of-term report and it feels strange. All in all I love reading it, I wish I were as positive on life!
And now I have to nominate 15 other bloggers, but I’m not going to go with the rules. Instead I’ll nominate as many as I want.
Or as few?
There you go, 11 nominations. How many will respond? I don’t know. Some of these have been MIA for a while and others, I just recently followed. But I like all of them, and that’s why I made the nominations. Not to be annoying.
There you go.
Yes. Legally, I am still a minor. I am fully entitled to celebrating Children’s Day! You know the usual–I feel old, blah blah, hate life, blah blah, don’t care about occasions, blah blah blah.
But fuck that. Yesterday I found my GameBoy Advance–a sudden fancy that got me searching through drawers and cabinets all five minutes long. With it I also found the charger and my old games. My afternoon was spend counting barley rice for IB HL Biology (there 1810 in the end), eating Oreos, drinking Yeo’s Soya Milk (the kind I used to drink back in Singapore) and playing Pokemon Emerald. It was…nostalgic. I used to play that all the time four/five years ago, when I was younger and sillier and a whole lot happier.
Maybe not by that much, because uh, you know, rose-tinted glasses and all, but probably happier nonetheless. Ignorance does that. Ignorance and stupidity. They shield you from the harsher realities of life. That’s what I think, at least.
Lamenting my current position and whining about whatever was not the purpose of this post.
Back to the topic. Anyway, I had a good old time and gamed until I fell asleep on my bed, to be woken up half an hour later for dinner. Which, really, wasn’t bad at all–salad with mango and avocado.
I have two more Children’s Days to go. I just thought that it might be a good idea to record this, because, well, it’s my first time in years that I’ve done anything remotely special for the occasion. And I’ve always wanted to recover my GameBoy, so…extra-special?
I’m trying to write this and play Pokemon and chat to my friend and do Biology at the same time. It’s one o’ clock in the morning and I think I’m failing all four endeavors. I should just call it a day.
(…and as an afterthought: I brought my GameBoy out with me today in the hope that I would get a chance to play [with???] it. But decided against; it was simply too embarrassing and the metro was just too jam-packed. Ugh, social pressure. )
And lastly, for your entertainment:
…is tomorrow. Am going to Hong Kong. Haven’t prepared well enough. At least I’ll have another chance in October.
Write the test, loiter around, eat good food, meet up with friends.
Hopefully this all goes according to plan.
And hopefully I don’t do too badly.
Time flies. Sometimes I feel as if I’m being left behind.
AwesomeAim, Unlimited 